It's a Firefly Life
by Zandoz
Summary: House of 1000 CorpsesThe Devil's Rejects fan fiction. Could there be squabbling in the ranks? Will Otis and Baby off each other? Who will get laid first?
1. Chapter 1

RJ clumped up the stairs, broad shoulders slumped--Otis had stolen the thunder yet again. After scouring the highway for hapless travellers or tourists he'd finally scored a strapping young man he was sure to make Baby happy. Or Vera-Ellen, he growled to himself. He didn't want to use the name that Otis had given her; he'd even started thinking of himself as a Firefly and not Wilson. That fuckin skinny dead-lookin' motherfucker had waltzed in and offered to take Vera-Ellen on a road trip the next time he left, a fun adventure, and RJ's gift had went overlooked. Fuck.

And yet he was just as fond of their adopted brother and couldn't help but laugh at his pomposity and antics and his funny ways. That was coupled with Rufus's intense desire to plant his beefy fist into the pale man's craggy face. He wasn't a deep thinker or a thoroughly philosophical man, he was a man of action, and yet all these different thoughts and feelings crowded his head, had been crowding his head ever since Otis had become part of their mismatched, sometimes dysfunctional yet always loving family. Sighing he pushed open the door to his room with its posters of Harleys and scantily clad women, switching on the battered transistor radio.

Baby went to the basement where much of the tools and equipment was stored and stumbled upon RJ's forgotten gift, cowering and gagged. Heavy chains connected both wrists and an ankle to the wall and the young man looked upon her fearfully but with a touch of hope. A girl, a lady is here...maybe she would help him, oh please please help me he thought. His widened brown eyes pleaded his case to her and he sobbed in despair when he saw the evil grin spreading across her face. She was such a lucky girl to have such thoughtful brothers, she said to herself as she grasped a hacksaw and a pair of pliers. 

A few minutes later a lot of screaming came from downstairs, and not just from the victim. Baby was railing at Otis who'd appeared and was attempting to requistion her present from Rufus. Otis had never encountered such vehemence or oppostition from his favorite playmate before and was rather taken aback. So then he suggested they should play with the rabbit together like they'd done so many times but she wasn't having it. "He's MINE Otis, RJ got him for me!"

"So, we can--"

"Go 'way, Otis! I'm busy."

Faded eyes narrowed, he was growing annoyed at this display. "Don't be such a pig," he growls. "Can I at least have the leftovers for my specimens?"

Baby screamed, a banshee wail that woke everyone up. "Get out get out get OUT! This is my basement! You ain't even really our brother now respect mah wishes and get yer ass outta here!"

Now Otis was really hurt, as if he didn't matter just like he'd been treated his whole life. "Fine! Fuckin bitch, you're just like the rest of em. Fuck you then." 

Rufus Jr. heard the colossal tiff from his bedroom, opening dark, liquid eyes and sitting up. Heh. Welly welly welly well...seems the two buddies were pissed off at one another. He had to bite his lip to keep from smiling at the invectives the pair was hurling at each other.

"Is that how you operate? Lure a man in then just tear his fuckin' heart out?"

"I can't believe you called me a bitch! Just you wait--"

"Whut? You gonna tell yer daddy? Maybe he'll gvie you the whoopin you deserve, ya brat!"

"Ohhhh I can do that myself, bucko," she said coldly, coming at him with a mophandle.

"STOP!," came an explosion of a female voice. Uh-oh, Mother's had enough of the squabble. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed RJ went to check on things. When he reached the basement Mama was standing between Otis and Baby with Tiny keeping a firm hand on Otis's arm, preventing him from coming at his adopted sibling. Shirtless, Otis was squirming like a reptile to get free of the deformed giant's grasp, and hising like one too. "What in the blazes is goin' on down here? You two goin on like cats an' dogs."

"But he--"

"She said--"

"Cut it the fuck out!," shrieked the older woman, surprising them all with her profanity.

"C'mon, Angel," RJ says softly, grabbing his sister's elbow and directing her upstairs. None of them had seen a fight between any of the family members this intense before, and now everyone was upset. Well, everyone but Rufus, who smirked at Otis as he turned away. It didn't go unnoticed as the wraithlike figure scowled back. Vera-Ellen buried her blonde head in RJ's chest and sobbed, letting out some of the toxic energy that had built up, and when her breathing quieted he carried her like a small child in his arms to her room and tucked her into bed.

Pale eyes watched and then Rufus left an exhausted and penitant Otis slipped into the room and stood over her sleeping form, debating on waking her and apologizing so he could see her sparkling smile and childish giggles, and the adoring love in her blue-green eyes again.

Nah, fuck that. Otis doesn't apologize; she shouldn't have talked to him that way. Why, he'd saved all their asses on many an occasion!

Rufus went to bed, somewhat pleased. Maybe now Angel Baby would pay attention to him!

Grampa slept through the whole incident. 


	2. More Trouble in Paradise

The unfortunate man awoke the next morning, howling with pain from one of his fingers being crushed by Baby the night before. "Shut yer fuckin' yap!," Hugo hollered back at him as he made his way to the kitchen. "Younguns leavin' their toys out," he grumbles, rummaging for some cereal. He wished they'd hurry and make roast out of that one, he looked young and tender. There's nothing like fresh meat.

Otis was up early scrounging through his stack of books, notes, and artwork on dirty scraps of paper and treated piecing of panelling--he wasn't able to purchase high-quality art supplies, after all. Biting a full, well-shaped lower lip he scratched his belly, frustrated at his attempt to organize all his shit. Slinky footsteps behind him had the lean killer whirling to find himself gazing into the blue-green gaze of Vera-Ellen with a large and dusty tome in her hands. "Hiya," she said, forcing her usally natural bubbly enthusiam into her high-pitched voice.

"So that's where that went," he mused, almost to himself. That was what was bothering him about his collection, something was missing. Then he became miffed that Angel-Baby had taken one of his prized posessions without telling him. Little did he realize or understand at the time that she'd done it to try to understand him and have a common ground with him, plus she wanted show that she was smart and interesting and not a brainless bimbo. Even though she was nearly twenty-one years old she was still very much a child in many ways, and wanted to find a way to apologize for the night before. "Well, givvit here," Otis grumbles, taking the book from her keeping.

"I read all of it," she tells him brightly.

"Didya now?," responds Otis, raising a thick eyebrow in interest.

"I didn't understand all of it though," she goes on. "What does 'necrophiliac' mean? Is that anything like 'aphrodisiac'?"

Annoyed and shaking his head at her he growls "No it ain't, dumbass. It means you like to fuck dead bodies."

"Ohhhh!," she goes. "So that means _you're_ a necrophiliac!"

"No shit. Now stay outta my room and quit readin my stuff. You're too stupid to read it."

"I am not stupid! You're a sad, pathetic asshole, you know that?!"

"I like ta think I'm marchin to th' beat of mah own drum," he shouts back at her. "Stop bein' such a brat!"

"Kiss my big dumb ass!," she squeals, snatching the book back out of his hands and shredding it like a cat on a newspaper. Bits of old, yellowed paper going flying in every direction. Otis's large pale eyes widened into saucers as she tore pages out of the tome then lobbed the broken cover at his head.

"You spoiled little shit!," he cried, finally past the shock and taking after her. That girl needed a good spankin--Cutter had been far too easy on his girlchild, the only true fruit of his loins. Tackling her as she ran they both went to the hardwood floor of Otis's room like a sack of bricks. She bit and kicked and squirmed like something wild while the man tried to get on top of her. "I'll kick yer lil ass!"

"You're gonna haveta try harder, Whitey! Yeah, ya pasty-white dead-body fuckin' motherfucker! Yeah!" They were both in the midst of the battle rage. Baby was far stronger and quicker than he'd reckoned on, even having witnessed her pitted against so many rabbits both women and men.

Clutching a handful of blonde, curly hair the wiry man slammed Baby's head against the floor. In retaliation she clocked him in the nose with the base of her palm, still struggling. "Take back what you said 'bout me being stupid!," she screamed at him.

Finally a-straddle her, Otis barks back, "Take back whut you said 'bout ME! About me not bein' yer real brother and not bein' good enough!"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck _you_!"


	3. Dr RJ, and somebody gets laid

RJ burst into the room after hearing the commotion to find Baby on top of Otis and backhanding the hell out of him cussing at the top of her prodigious lungs. Rufus grabbed each arm and dragged his sister off the man spitting like a wildcat. Hugo came next, stomping his feet and railing at the duo for all the ruckus. "I can't even eat mah cereal in peace for you hooligans!"

The pair were immediately contrite. "I'm sorry, Grampa," a red-faced Baby murmurs. Fixing a dark-brown eye on his sister, RJ marches her to her bedroom, then after thinking on it a bit comes back to Otis's room.

He was alone and wiping the trickle of blood from his busted nose. Then he wiped some wetness from his cheeks. Tears? Disconcerted, Rufus clears his throat. "Well, what d'YOU want?," Otis demands, the glint in his eyes daring the bigger man to say something about it.

Undaunted and like the tow trucks he drives, he plowed on ahead. "What is with you two?," he asks.

"I dunno, go ask Miss Happy-Pants there," Otis growls, picking through the remnants of his shredded book. "I think it's a case of PMS from hell."

Crossing his arms RJ didn't buy a cent of it. Almost on cue, strangled screams drifted up the stairs, signalling Baby had went back to her brother's gift. There were no gleeful giggles this time, however, as she vented her anger on the young man. "That's not it," Rufus goes on. "It's always somebody else's fault, but it's yew. Yer the problem."

"I don't got time for you to play head-shrink, RJ. Go fuck off," Otis snaps tiredly.

"Why won't you let us in? You've been livin' here for years now, why can't you let us help ye?"

"You can't help me! Nobody can help me!," he yells at the hulking man. No one knew the extent of his horrible, neglected childhood or misspent delinquent adolescence. No one knew the pain carried with him to adulthood, driving his abnormally intelligent and violent brain.

"Bullshit." Just like Rufus, one word to say it all.

"What?" Otis was stunned.

"Bullshit. You fuckin' pussy. Can't own up to his own shit." 

"Brat, huh? Fucking asshole," hissed Baby as she pulled the man's mangled finger from its socket with the pliers. The agonized howls emitted from the unfortunate soul failed to penetrate the angry fog in the woman's brain. Scrounging through the myriad tools and implements she puts a hand on her hip. "Who does he think he is?," she demanded of her victim who could only sob and moan in abject terror. "Heyyy," she purrs. "Wouldya like to play a game?"

She now giggled at last, straddling the man tied securely to a chair. "It's called, 'Make me cum or I'll gut you like a fish, bitch.' Hahahaha!" 

He tried. Boy, did he try--suffering pain in his maimed hand and unquestionable fear in his heart, he finally managed to maintain an erection for Vera-Ellen, sans shorts, to ride him like he'd never been ridden before. She moved her hips in a way he'd never seen, causing him to penetrate deeper and in different spots. "Oooh, that's good," she murmured, pulling the gag from his mouth. Baby weaved her lower body faster, saying, "Are you gonna cum? Ooh, are ya? Hahahaha." Her breath was coming harder, slim nostrils flaring. "You're a sick, naughty boy, ain't ya?"

"Oh...my...God..," went the prisoner. His brown eyes were wide as saucers in his head.

The blonde bucked forward and back vigorously, thowing back her curly yellow-maned head in a gleeful cry of abandonment. Using muscles he didn't even know existed, Baby wrung an excruciatingly awesome orgasm out of him. The surprised, horrified expression on his youthful face was almost comical, given the circumstances. "Uhhhh...ahh, you fuckin bitch," he gasped as he shuddered in climax. No sooner than he'd started he leaned in and sank his teeth into the woman's shoulder gum-deep.

If he thought to catch the woman completely off-guard he was mistaken, for a split second after he sank in she was spazzing backwards, struggling to wrench free. The only hand that wasn't bound to the chair was the mangled one, and grimacing in pain and still ejaculating he grabbed the arm that wielded a screwdriver meant for his skull, holding it away from him. The strife caused the wooden chair to wobble, then fall forward with Baby hitting the ground and the victim on top of her. "Fucker!," she squalled, finally tearing her arm out of the man's grip and burying the screwdriver in his temple. Immediately the pressure on her flesh loosened and she breathed a sigh of relief.

Jeez, what's a girl gotta go through to get a good orgasm around here? 


End file.
